In return, his compensation was comparatively small: a tobacco jar, for example, a box for betel nuts, or a cigarette case. The wedding ceremony was quite simple: The future husband and wife met, mutually offered themselves to each other, and chewed betel nut together. Though Confucian tradition permits the husband to take lesser wives theoretically to be chosen for him by the first wife , economic realities and relatively innocuous modern laws would force him to be content with one at a time.
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Factors to be seriously considered when choosing a marital partner in Vietnam are the social status of the families and the astrological-mystical affinities of the marriage partners. The uniformity of the mixture of various religious concepts in Vietnam—except among tribal peoples—tends to give a uniformity to marriage arrangements, ceremonies, feasts, dowry, etc. Because the individual is less important than the family, it is expected that the family will have a major voice in the selection of wives and husbands of their children.
This is often done through a "go-between" male or female to save "face" in case it is deemed best to break off bargaining. Another major factor in the choosing of marriage partners is consulting of horoscopes. This is often done by a Buddhist monk who practices the art.
Previously marriage was influenced by Buddhist theology and Confucian philosophy. Vietnamese believed that fate in marriage, as well as wealth and position, were preordained, though choice could play some role in activating a positive or negative fate. Traditionally, children lived with their parents until marriage, and then the couple moved to the husband's father's household. The extended family arranged marriage, but individuals were usually consulted on the choice of their mate. The typical engagement lasted six months, with little contact between the bride and groom prior to the marriage.
Traditionally the marriage was at one of the couples' homes. Women kept their maiden names legally but used their husband's name formally. Confucianism promotes marriage over celibacy, and defined women's happiness in terms of her ability of having many children. Women are generally expected to be married at a relatively young age and to have children frequently thereafter.
Out-of-wedlock children are not generally approved; their birth is severely censored: in a family-centered society as Vietnam is, the place of such children is quite difficult. Polygamy is illegal but some men have a second, unofficial wife. In the past polygynous marriages were common and aristocratic men kept concubines but monogamy is now the norm. Polygyny was widespread in both northern and central Vietnam, as was the taking of concubines.
Besides the so-called wife of the first rank, a household sometimes included a second and third wife and their children. The consent of the first wife was required before this arrangement could be made, but, more often than not, additional wives either were established by the husband in separate households or were permitted to continue living as they had before marriage, in their own homes or with parents.
Major family reform was initiated under a new law enacted in and put into effect in The law's intent was to protect the rights of women and children by prohibiting polygyny forced marriage, concubinage, and abuse. It was designed to equalize the rights and obligations of women and men within the family and to enable women to enjoy equal status with men in social and work-related activities.
In conjunction with the law, a mass campaign was launched to discourage, as wasteful, the dowries and lavish wedding feasts of an earlier era. Young people were advised not to marry before the age of twenty for males and eighteen for females and to have no more than two children per household. In March , Associated Press: "Vietnam's government has forbidden some marriage customs by local ethnic groups, including wife robbery and the wedding of close relatives, state-controlled media said. The government directive says authorities will respect some marriage traditions of ethnic groups, but "backward'' customs will be strictly prohibited or discouraged, the Thanh Nien newspaper reported.
Banned customs include wife robbery, in which women are forced to wed, and marriages of men and women of the same bloodline within three generations. The directive also forbids the practice of forcing widows or widowers to marry a family member of their dead spouse, and the practice of demanding large gifts for marriages..
Members of ethnic minorities held protests in Vietnam's Central Highlands a year ago over government restrictions on religion, and the coercive policies of local officials. In October , AFP reported: "A retired bricklayer in Vietnam, has set an unofficial national record by siring 86 children from 16 "wives". Tran Viet Chu, a year-old from the central province of Quang Tri, who spent 60 years travelling the country while working in the building trade, married at 17 but his first wife died 10 years later. Chu soon tied the knot again but nevertheless brought another 14 "wives" into his household over the next half-century.
I seem to have been born with this flirtatious tendency," he told the Cong An Nhan Dan People's Police newspaper last week. Marriages are regarded primarily as a social contract and traditionally they were arranged by the parents through intermediaries. The parents' choice was influenced more by considerations affecting the welfare of the lineage than by the preferences of the participants.
Traditional Vietnamese wedding - Wikipedia
Today, although arranged marriages are technically against the law many marriages are still arranged by parents, often with the help of matchmakers and sometimes before their children have reached puberty. To go against their wishes is considered dishonorable. Marriages have traditionally been arranged by parents with the help of go-betweens and the strong influence of elders. Partners were selected on the basis of family connections, wealth, social status, religion and village. The mother of the girl has traditionally been very sensitive to the possibility of being dishonored and went out of her way to make sure everything checked out before agreeing to the marriage.
The final decision was made after consulting a fortuneteller who made sure the horoscopes of the boy and girl were compatible and auspicious. The arrangement was formally sealed with the payment of bride price to a fund controlled by the village or community where the girl lived.
Pamela LaBorde, MD of Ethnomed wrote: "As Western influence increased in Vietnam during this century, parents began to take more of an advisory role in the choice of their child's mate, and arranged marriages are heavily declining. Parents are interested in securing a good mate for their child out of concern for their future. It is not unusual for parents to desire a mate of high status with a career that will be lucrative, such as doctor or lawyer.
Though rarely given absolute choice, family still bears heavy influence over the decision to marry. Astrology is an important consideration in choosing a marriage partner among ethnic Vietnamese. Compatible mystical affinities among bride and groom will allow them to marry in keeping with the harmony of the universe; incompatible readings indicate discord which will result in serious martial difficulty.
This question of mystical affinities is based on the Chinese concept that three essential factors must be considered: 1 the influence of the earth, 2 the influence of nature, and 3 the actions of the planets. The five major planets with a significant influence on human lives and the items that represent them on earth are: a Venus, metal; b Jupiter, wood; c Mars, fire; d Mercury, water; e Saturn, soil. Each of these elements can build up or destroy one another according to this theory. That is to say: Fire helps soil but destroys metal while soil helps metal. Wood destroys soil while water helps wood.
Water destroys fire while metal helps water. Metal destroys wood while wood helps fire. Since individuals at birth come under the auspices of at least one of the above planets, it is imperative to make sure that two which oppose each other are not united. A man born under Venus marrying a girl of Mars would find arguments, unhappiness, etc. Similarly, if the man is of fire influence and the wife of water, countless arguments, poverty and perhaps divorce is their predetermined fate; but if man is under influence of fire and the girl of wood, they will have many children and prosperity.
If both are born under the influence of the same planet or its earth representation, things begin to get complicated. Many books and "authorities" have to be consulted in order to determine the exact situation. However, astrology is only one of the three major factors which must be pondered in considering marriage. Strange to the western ear, the thought of romance is not a major factor, if considered at all. In fact, several lovely Buddhist young ladies informed the interviewer that the question of love would not be discussed inasmuch as marriage is a family affair and not the personal affairs of two people.
One of them speaking for the group said that she would marry whomever her mother chose for her regardless of what she might think of the groom. She added that it would be better to be married to a poor man, an ugly man, or a bad man than to bring unhappiness to her mother. How different are the ideas of many young women in other parts of the earth with which we are acquainted! The cyclical calendar of the Vietnamese is used in choosing marriage partners.
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Now while some of the animals can live on good terms together, others cannot: but it is generally accepted that the tiger and the pig, the cat and dog, the serpent and the monkey, the horse and the goat, the mouse and the buffalo and the dragon and the cock can do so. Yet most of these cyclical animals cannot stand one another, and according to the matchmakers guidebooks, this animosity is expressible in four degrees of difference.
These degrees are luc sung disagreement , luc hinh argument , luc hai violence or harm , and juc tuyat kills. The first of these degrees of continuous disagreement is between: a The mouse and the horse; d The tiger and the monkey; b The cat and the cock; e The serpent and the pig; c The dragon and the dog; f The buffalo and the goat; The second degree is that of struggles between: a The goat and the dragon; d The pig and the monkey; b The horse and the cock; e The buffalo and the dog; c The serpent and the tiger; f The cat and the mouse.
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The third degree of inflicting physical harm of the first to the second is: a The mouse to the goat; d The dragon to the dog; b The buffalo to the horse; e The serpent to the pig; c The tiger to the monkey; f The cock to the cat. The fourth and most permanent degree is that of killing of the second by the first: a The mouse kills the serpent; d The dragon the dog; b The buffalo the goat; e The horse the pig; c The tiger the cock; f The monkey the cat.
Analysis of these tables makes it apparent that a man born under the auspices of the tiger might find happiness with a girl born in the year of the pig.
He should avoid marriage, however, with a girl born in the year of the serpent, the monkey or the cock. The tiger-serpent alliance would be quarrelsome; the tiger-monkey would result in fisticuffs; and the tiger-cock union might result in death for the girl. While Communism might well have begun to make changes in the thinking of the Chinese in Red China, the consultation of a "learned man" or fortune teller is sought in much of rural Vietnam, and perhaps even in the cities more than generally admitted.
In , Ritu Bhatia wrote in the Bangladeshi newspaper The Independent: "Thirty-one year old Minh Huong, the team leader of the sales department in a pharmaceutical company in Ho Chi Minh City, is eagerly waiting for her boyfriend to return from America where he has been for the last seven years. She says he is the only man who would accept her "just the way she is. Huong, however, is not the only one who has started thinking this way. Like other traditional societies, Vietnamese society too is in the throes of socio-economic and cultural changes.
https://yoku-nemureru.com/wp-content/cell-phone/2811-tracker-my-cell.php The shift to a market economy in the early s improved material life of the people in general. More and more women in urban Vietnam are also discovering the value of freedom in their relationships. Some feel that the new generation of Vietnamese men, especially those who spend time in the West, are better equipped for equal relationships. Others seek different options.
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Hong Anh, for instance, married an Indian man, Hari Chathrattil, because as she says there is no way she would have put up with the "ridiculous petty minded demands" that a Vietnamese man makes on his wife or girlfriend. Ba's work as a freelancer for WWF takes her away tom home, which she says would be a big problem for a Vietnamese man. Open-mindedness is important in the list of qualities that women, in Vietnam are seeking in men. Thu Ba's husband Chathrattil, who teaches in a local college, was even asked by male students in his English class to explain why some Vietnamese women preferred to marry foreigners.
While men traditionally live with their parents even after they marry, this custom is also gradually changing. In the past, economic constraints prevented couples from setting up an independent establishment. But more and more Vietnamese women are a part of the work force, and continue to hold their jobs even after they marry and have children. The number of day-care centers, referred to as 'semi-boarding' schools, that are springing up in the cities is evidence of this new phenomenon.
At the end of the day, if they do not get what they want from a man, more Vietnamese women say they would rather stay single. And being over thirty and single is becoming more and more acceptable.